WARIOWARE: GET IT TOGETHER! With Yuzu Emulator You manage your sinky-sinky-tub either by peering at a side-on cross-section of the boat – which pulls apart like a Micro Machines playset so that you can see all of the different compartments and sailors milling about inside – or in a full and detailed first person view, which better emphasises the claustrophobic conditions aboard what is essentially a greasy Pringles tube full of men who haven’t showered in months. If you don’t like it, there’s the door, only please don’t open it because this is a submarine and everybody will instantly drown. If your sailors get grumpy and start to slack off, you can send them to the brig for a time-out, so they can think about their behaviour, or summarily execute them in front of their friends to give their browbeaten colleagues a little more encouragement. This is a game in which the colour of the cabin lights can affect crew morale. Diesel-powered Tanks, Submarines, and Cars Here is a submarine simulator in which you must make sure there’s enough cheese in the sub’s pantry for the guy who works the radio, or else you won’t be able to tune into nearby stations to hear the old-timey music as you bob past Cornwall. It’s a little bit This War Of Mine, a little bit Lovers In A Dangerous Spacetime, a little bit The Sims and a little bit Silent Hunter. U-boat is as much about living aboard a horrible metal tube in the god damned ocean as it is about hunting down and kablamming enemy (that is, allied) ships.

But it is just one of many meticulously simulated aspects of commanding a German submarine during the wettest and wildest war we’ve had, World War: Part Two.

Maybe one of those things happens when you toggle the curvature of the earth on and off in U-boat (which is actually styled UBOAT, like you’ve just spotted one in the distance), I don’t know.

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